“This book has the potential to change lives and heal relationships. Couples can benefit from their first date through every stage of their relationship.” —Dr. Drew Pinsky, nationally known doctor, author, and host of 7 television shows
Dr. Alyson Nerenberg is a licensed psychologist who has been counseling individuals, couples and groups for the last 30 years. After earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Widener University in Chester, PA in 1997, she spent 5 years as the clinical director of the Keystone Center Extended Care Unit, a nationally known residential treatment program for healing from addictive behaviors and trauma.
Additionally, she spent 5 years as a board member for the International Institute for Trauma and Addictions Professionals where she headed the supervision committee. She has supervised hundreds of therapists and lectured nationally on various topics including healing from trauma and addictions. Dr. Nerenberg has spent the last 20 years running her private practice: Dr. Alyson Nerenberg Psychology Associates, PC in Philadelphia, where she consults with organizations including: The National Basketball Association (NBA), National Hockey League (NHL), National Soccer League (NSL), Johnson & Johnson, McNeil Consumer Products, Seabrook House, Keystone Center, and the Philadelphia Police Department, among others. She has been featured on MSNBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, A&E and CN8.
Her mission is to help us lessen the shame, blame and guilt we all suffer from so we can live our best lives with honesty, accountability and love.
In addition to her professional accomplishments, Dr. Nerenberg is most proud of her family including: her husband, Jeffrey, children, Amanda, Marissa and Justin and their white fluffy dog, Rosie.
ABOUT THE BOOK
No Perfect Love: Shattering the Illusion of Flawless Relationships
Perfect couples do not exist; nor do perfect families. Yet, in our photoshopped, Instagrammable world where we only present flawless versions of ourselves, we can easily be tricked into believing that they do. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Alyson Nerenberg has spent 30 years listening to couples, families, executives, celebrities, and professional athletes; and is here to share the truth. Whether we are willing to admit it or not, every one of us experiences challenges in our relationships.
While many books have been written about overcoming our own perfectionism, rarely has one described our tendency to expect perfection from others. How do we cope when our illusions of flawless relationships are shattered? What do we do when we discover extra-marital affairs, addiction, financial betrayal, or dishonesty from our partners? What happens when we realize our children are in crisis? In those moments, we have several decisions to make: we can face our loved ones, we can deal with our own vulnerabilities, or we can run.
With wisdom and compassion, Dr. Nerenberg thoroughly explores the origins of perfectionism and how it keeps us stuck in a cycle of disappointment, anger and resentment. Expertly combining psychological theory, popular culture, her patients’ life-changing moments, as well as her own challenges and growth, Dr. Nerenberg transforms trauma into triumph.
Through case studies and powerful tools, including 12 clarifying questions that help us decide whether we should stay or leave our relationships, she helps us write a new story where we overcome our adversities and find meaning in our heartbreaks. Deftly weaving her patients’ stories and her own into a beautiful tapestry of struggle, commitment and empowerment, Dr. Nerenberg shares healing strategies with compassion and an open heart; and walks with the readers as they take the first step towards embracing their own perfectly imperfect love.
- What are “perfectionistic expectations” and how does our culture impact them?
- How our childhood experiences impact our desire to be perfect
- How shame relates to perfectionism
- Relationships: the biggest struggles in relationships
- Romantic relationships
- How dating apps contribute to the narcissistic/perfectionistic expectations we put on finding a relationship and how can we change that
- 12 steps to determine whether you should stay or leave your current relationship
- Family relationships
- The narcissistic/perfectionistic expectations we put on our children
- Work relationships
- Romantic relationships
- Dr. Nerenberg has experience treating people in recovery from drugs, alcohol, food and shopping as well as sex and love. She can discuss why she views addictions as an unhealthy way of coping with uncomfortable feelings by numbing pain.
- Treating Professional Athletes: One of the subspecialities of Dr. Nerenberg’s practice has been treating professional athletes who are dealing with addictions and relationship issues. She can share what she has learned about perfectionism and trauma while treating professional athletes
- Forgiveness: Dr. Nerenberg can help us determine what stands in our way and share 6 tips to get started forgiving. She also can share how to use visualization to change the Trauma and Grievance channels to the Beauty, Gratitude and Forgiveness channels.
- Boundaries: Practical tips in setting boundaries in romantic, family and work relationships – using HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
- How your car’s GPS is a great analogy for life. Dr. Nerenberg can discuss making mistakes and then correcting your course in a non-shaming manner. Also the importance of positive self-talk and mantras
- How to be present: Does your face light up? 4 Questions that we are all unconsciously asking each other all of the time. How to make our partners, friends and children feel cared about and seen
“An accessible, clear guide on maintaining realistic relationship goals…that upends the myth of perfect partnerships.” —Kirkus Reviews
“With No Perfect Love, Dr. Alyson Nerenberg has shattered the myth of “happily ever after,” moving couples from Disney princess pipe dreams into the real world, where even the best of relationships is far from perfect. Her no-nonsense take on relationships and how to thrive in them despite their many flaws is rock solid.” —Robert Weiss, Ph.D, author of Out of the Doghouse and Prodependence: The End of Codependency
“This is a relationship-promoting, life-enhancing, divorce-busting how-to book for creating and sustaining healthy long-term relationships. I highly recommend it.” —Dr. Helen Friedman, Clinical Psychologist, award-winning radio show host of “Psych Talk,” Associate clinical professor at The Saint Louis University School of Medicine and past president of the St. Louis Psychological Association
“A timely and fresh look at the connection between narcissism and the striving for perfection. No Perfect Love takes the reader on a compassionate, at times personal and practical journey to heal from the narcissistic drum beat that demands perfection in order to be loved. Covering a wide range of topics including romance, parenting, athletics, and the culture at large. No Perfect Love is a welcome road map of relief and insight that points to the need for it to be on everyone’s bookshelf.” —Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., author of Silently Seduced and When He’s Married to Mom
“Dr. Nerenberg is a beacon in the psychology field and her book will help guide anyone struggling with a challenging relationship.” —Ralph Earle, MDiv, Ph.D., ABPP, LMFT, CSAT, Past President of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, author of Lonely All the Time and Conversations: Therapy and Spiritual Growth.
“If you are hoping to find the perfect love—as so many people do—or are disappointed to realize that your marriage or relationship is not perfect, then No Perfect Love is the perfect book for you!” —Jennifer Schneider, M.D., Ph.D. author of Back From Betrayal: Recovering from the Trauma of Infidelity and Disclosing Secrets.